Want Some Candy, Little Girl?

People in my office travel a lot. My division alone manages staff in India, Thailand, the United States, England, Finland, and Spain. So people are always heading out the door for long, hemorrhoid-inducing business trips to far-flung places.

A tradition has emerged, where the traveler returns with some kind of interesting candy, and leaves it out for all to enjoy. Recently, a guy returned from Finland with vodka-filled chocolates. I’m not talking about vodka-scented cream filling. I’m talking about a shot of real vodka, which is quite a breathtaking shock when you bite into one.

Yesterday, one of the Business Analysts returned from Thailand with three bags of little packets of taffy. They’re exotic Asian tropical fruit flavors: Lychee, Mangosteen (not related to the mango), and Durian. The Lychee and Mangosteen are tasty, not unlike typical fruit-flavored taffy found in the USA. The Durian candy is another story altogether.



I realize they probably don’t grow strawberries and raspberries in Thailand. They make do with what nature provides and the climate can support. Strawberries and raspberries may taste weird and exotic to them. But I don't care where you're from, the Durian just screams at you to leave it alone.



The husk is covered with spiny thorns, capable of drawing blood. Inside is a pus-like substance (some would call it custard-like, but not me) that is technically edible. People eat it raw, or they make products such as candy from it.

I tried the Durian-flavored candy, and it didn’t last half a second in my mouth. I gagged and spat for 2 minutes until the pungent taste faded. Some people say it tastes like smelly feet. I say it tastes like a dead mouse, one that has defecated all over itself.

The rest of the office spent the day waiting for victims to wander by and notice the candy. They would try one of each, and we would snort with laughter when they got to the Durian candy, made retching noises and raced for a trash can.

I’m told it’s an acquired taste, but I imagine you’d have to be close to starvation to acquire it. Of course, I’m going to buy a big bag of it as soon as I can find a source. Halloween will be here before you know it.