Monday, May 2, 2011

Joint Chiefs Meeting

President Obama: Gentlemen, it's confirmed. We've located the hideout of Osama Bin Laden in Abbottabad, Pakistan. I want a small team of tough, highly trained American soldiers to breach his compound and kill him. No collateral damage. A nighttime operation, in and out in under an hour. It will be dangerous, difficult and I will not tolerate failure. Admiral, are the Navy SEALS up to the challenge?

Admiral Roughead: Yes, sir, I'll get right on ...

General Dempsey: Sir, the Rangers are ready to undertake this mission.

President Obama: I'm thinking of using the SEALS here, Marty.

General Dempsey: But sir, with all due respect, this is a ground op. It's 600 miles from the nearest boat. Army is the way to go.

General Amos: If I may interject, the Marine Corps has a long, proud history of both land and sea ...

General Dempsey: Shut the hell up, Jimmy.

President Obama: We're gonna go with the SEALS, this time. Sorry Marty. Maybe the next international terrorist mastermind.

General Dempsey: The next one? The next one? What next one? You've been using robot aircraft to take them out!

General Schwartz: Very effectively, if I may say so. Cheap to operate, no risk to American soldiers, ....

General Dempsey: You sons of bitches sitting in La-Z-Boys playing video games while my boys are sweating and bleeding to earn a chance to be heroes! Please, sir, please. You gotta give this one to the Rangers. They work so hard. They've all got your picture on their lockers. I take back those things I said about you and the SEALS at the Foreign Press dinner after that Somali pirate thing. I was outta line.

President Obama: SEALS, Marty. Rangers next time, maybe. Meeting adjourned.


katalyst said...

President Obama: Call Arnold, get him on the line, now! If anyone can terminate Osama bin Laden, he's the guy that can do it.

Press Secretary: Mr.President, he's busy and can't do it right now, something about "house cleaning."

President Obama: Ok, then use the SEALs.

Anonymous said...

I heard Disney tried to copywrite "seal team 6" I suspect it will be the newest ride in adventureland next year