Sunday, May 6, 2012

Women and Horses

Over the years, I’ve noticed a peculiar similarity between women and horses. This is not to say that women resemble horses, although some do. Rather, the resemblance is a personal one, residing in my unconscious mind; a unique set of responses that occupy the same neural pathways.

It’s like other categories of dissimilar things that provoke a similar emotional response, like a meal your mother used to make for you and a cherished book that you read in college.

Horses are majestic animals, domesticated for thousands of years, and their contribution to the development of human civilization is undeniable. However:

  • They are incredibly strong and muscular, but nervous and easily spooked.
  • Even when they appear calm, their skin is twitching.
  • They are constantly rolling their eyes around.
  • They have enormous teeth.
  • They have dangerous, club-like feet.

Horses seem to me as though they are always on the edge of an extreme act of terrible violence – the postal workers of the animal kingdom. I don’t hate them or fear them, but they make me very uncomfortable.

Women, on the other hand, are beautiful and charming. Once again, civilization would have been impossible without them. However:

  • They are moody and mysterious.
  • They talk constantly but never tell you exactly what they want.
  • They say they want you to express your feelings, but are always upset when you do.
  • There are forces of nature acting on them that don’t affect men.
  • They live in a topsy-turvy emotional universe where tears are welcome but jokes are not.

Women are like minefields. One step in the wrong direction and you are in grave danger of losing a body part. They want you to cross the minefield, but they seem insulted if you ask where the mines are. I don’t hate them or fear them, but they make me uncomfortable.