Sunday, May 6, 2012

Women and Horses

Over the years, I’ve noticed a peculiar similarity between women and horses. This is not to say that women resemble horses, although some do. Rather, the resemblance is a personal one, residing in my unconscious mind; a unique set of responses that occupy the same neural pathways.

It’s like other categories of dissimilar things that provoke a similar emotional response, like a meal your mother used to make for you and a cherished book that you read in college.

Horses are majestic animals, domesticated for thousands of years, and their contribution to the development of human civilization is undeniable. However:

  • They are incredibly strong and muscular, but nervous and easily spooked.
  • Even when they appear calm, their skin is twitching.
  • They are constantly rolling their eyes around.
  • They have enormous teeth.
  • They have dangerous, club-like feet.

Horses seem to me as though they are always on the edge of an extreme act of terrible violence – the postal workers of the animal kingdom. I don’t hate them or fear them, but they make me very uncomfortable.

Women, on the other hand, are beautiful and charming. Once again, civilization would have been impossible without them. However:

  • They are moody and mysterious.
  • They talk constantly but never tell you exactly what they want.
  • They say they want you to express your feelings, but are always upset when you do.
  • There are forces of nature acting on them that don’t affect men.
  • They live in a topsy-turvy emotional universe where tears are welcome but jokes are not.

Women are like minefields. One step in the wrong direction and you are in grave danger of losing a body part. They want you to cross the minefield, but they seem insulted if you ask where the mines are. I don’t hate them or fear them, but they make me uncomfortable.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Welcome back to the blogosphere.

The only difference between women and minefields, is that there is some (theoretical) payoff for successfully negotiating a woman (not in the Moonlite Bunny Ranch sense, either.....although.....). For the minefield, when you're through it, all you are is alive. But it does call to mind the old Willie Nelson time I think about getting married, I'm just going to find some woman I don't like and buy her a house.