Saturday, March 8, 2008

One Final Act of Defiance

As I prepare for my final week at my current job, I’ve been trying to clean up any outstanding projects so my successor doesn’t have to pick up the pieces after my departure. It’s been difficult, because as people realize that I’m leaving, they have suddenly discovered lots of little projects that they want finished before I leave. The few loose ends I meant to tie up have turned into a forbidding Gordian knot of too much work and too little time.

Some people are going to be disappointed. However, I’m in the enviable position of deciding who those people will be. I’m working on the projects given to me by people I like, and gleefully pushing the projects of the others to the bottom of the stack, where they will likely remain for all eternity. It’s a small victory, a way of telling those people that they should have treated me better over the years. Maybe they’ll get the message, maybe they won’t.

But there is one person who deserves a far worse fate. For that person, I’ve prepared a special treat.

About a week ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine about a Web site called ThinkGeek. This Web site sells lots of silly little toys and goodies oriented towards those who work with computers all day, and have consequently lost their ability to relate to other human beings in any meaningful way. I discovered one little item that piqued my interest: The Annoy-a-Tron.

This device, a bit smaller than a stick of gum, can be hidden anywhere in a victim’s office. It will emit a beep every 2 to 8 minutes. Because of the delay, it’s nearly impossible to locate the source of the sound. It will last for 3 to 4 months. I placed an order immediately.


As it turns out, my victim didn’t come to work yesterday, and made the fatal mistake of not locking their office. I slipped in and began casing the place for a proper hiding place. But nothing seemed right. I considered taping it behind a drawer: “Too obvious,” I thought. “That’s where spies hide things in movies.” Perhaps concealed inside a picture frame of their spouse. But that seems somehow out of bounds. Then, I thought I would tape it behind the whiteboard. But once again, I felt it would be too easily discovered. And then, just when despair was creeping up on me, I had an inspiration.

I took the whiteboard eraser back to my office. It’s just a block of black Styrofoam with a label on one side and a swatch of fuzzy fabric on the other.


I gently peeled back the fuzzy material and cut a cavity into the Styrofoam.


I turned on the Annoy-a-Tron, slipped it into the cavity, and glued the fuzzy covering back. Sorry, I was so excited I forgot to take pictures.

Then, I replaced the eraser.



Now, I get to spend my final week watching someone go slowly insane. By the way, just so you know – I bought two of them. So be nice to me.


Anonymous said...

My big brother is my freaking hero! I love you!

michael said...

Brilliant! Where were you a month ago when I left my previous employer? I may to do this and have one of my moles plant it for me.

bruce... said...

I am hiding my pool case and cue immediately...

Logan said...

Thanks for the heads up over on my blog. Keep me posted as to the after-effects/consequences.

Wanda said...

Keep up the good work.